Empty
by R.G.Daemon
Summary: Beast boy's last letter to Raven. sorry bad at summerys , anyway it's just a short little clip. Bbrae will probably most more chapters that lead up to this or at least explain it.
1. Chapter 1: my letters to you

My Letters To You

`I miss you...I miss YOU. I know it sounds lame and lacks any real emotion. It's such a bland over used term tossed around just like the word love.

Used in so many meaningless situations. I bet you'd be frowning at my limited vocabulary if you could read this.

But in my defense I don't know what word to use to describe the way I feel. I miss you ,is all I can think of.

I miss being able to talk to you, to listen to you, to be able to share those sacred memories and secrets with one another once more.

I crave to be able to simply sit by your side and inhale the very scent that is you. Various types of tea's and jasmine. The combination so calming , so warm and inviting -and you. Always you.

I never knew you in a romantic sense. I only knew you the way you let me. As a best friend , a team mate, and a brother.

But you were always more than that to me.

Always so much more. You were this graceful dark mysterious goddess, you were so elegant and refined. Something so pure .

Your way up there , and I'm way down here at the bottom line. And I never quite understood how it was that I managed to fall into place beside you. I fell in love with you before I ever even knew you.

I never knew the true meaning of greed until you either. How could a person be so greedy , to be able to want and want and always want more? I didnt understand. But then I always wanted more from you.

I wanted you to be able to love me as much and as strongly as I did you. I wanted you to feel the passion and unconditional love I held for you. I wanted to be the one to make you smile. And laugh. To be involved. I never stopped wanting. I was greedy.

I am greedy.

I have so many regrets . So many things I wish I could've said.

I wish I could've told you how much I love you. How I Compleatly and utterly adore you.

How I cherish you.

I have been in love with you for the last thirteen years. And I will continue to be in love with you until my last breath , even after. Ever since I was fourteen I've loved you. It was never a crush. Never simply liking you. There's never been anyone else. No one could ever compare to you. It just always been you for me.

You were it.

You ARE it.

Their was a time were I couldnt even fuction with out you. It was pathetic. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. Ever since that day ,it was as if I had death clinging to my skin , his bone chilling breath rolling down the back of my neck. And every breath I took was short, and tight. My chest felt heavy and laden with pain.

It took me awhile to figure out that it was my heart that hurt.

It's light now. So light. Like its not even there.

I'll see you soon Raven. these past seven years have been hell for me. I simply want to lay down and just let go.

I love you.

-Gar. '

Setting down the letter , his fingers slid over the cool surface of the head stone. His fingers tracing the deep grooves carved into it. Tracing her name.

"Hey Rae..." His voice was raw and raspy as he spoke, cracking on his word's. Flinching at how loud his voice sounded in the silence. Even to his own ears it felt far too loud , even though it was just about a whisper.

"I'm sorry for not getting here sooner. It's just that-" He gave a shuddering breath as he tried to reign in his emotions.

"-it's just that I was tired. I've been so very tired." He whispered was the most he'd spoken aloud in years, yet his voice felt gruff like gravel. He'd cut his self off from their friends. He'd secluded himself from the world. The isolation reminded him of her . Of basking in her silence as she flipped through the worn pages of a well read novel.

" I finally figured out what word to describe how I feel." He murmured as he slipped his newest letter under neath the band that held the rest of the letters he'd wrote for her. All 2,555 of them. Some short. Some pages long. But no matter how much he wrote he always felt like he had more to say.

" I feel empty inside. And I have since the day you died.".


	2. Chapter 2:a time before

The first chapter was basically how this story ends. But to explain why every chapter after my letters to you is an explanation of their friend ship. Of how things lead up to were there did. In the first chapter I mentioned he wrote 2,555 letters. Basically over the span of seven years BB wrote her a letter and left it on her grave. He wrote about his day. About how she was missed and what not.

Chapter one : A time Before

Silence brushed over him, leaving him wanting for something. Anything. A noise. A breath. A scoff. A laugh. Something. Anything but this Silence she left him with.

" Are you mad at me Rae ?" He glanced up at her face trying to read her, his eyes shifting over the plane's of her face. Taking in her narrowed eyes , her brows set in a neutral position , her lips pursed and set firmly together.

She gave him no answer, as she sat across from him , her eyes boring into him. Fidgeting in his seat he turned his head away from her breaking away from her gaze. His focuse shifted to the tacky red retro table , the edges chipped and fading in color, the metal around the side looked dull and more than a little beat up.

" You ruined my date Beast boy." His ears drooped low at the disappointment he heard in her voice.

" I know, I know and I'm so sorry." He gave a soft pleading glance in her direction .

" ...You bit him."

"NOT hard. It was lightly. " He huffed in defense.

" He cried."

" He was a wimp. " Beast boy crossed his arms over his chest.

A soft scoff escaped her lips against her better judgment. Quickly stifling it she lifted her hood up and slip out of the booth.

" Honestly it doesn't matter. It wasn't anything serious. " she gave a hefty sigh as she stood up holding her books , tucked in one arm securely pressed against her side.

" your not gonna tell Robin are ya?" He moved to stand as well tossing a few crumpled bills onto the table.

"Depends on weather or not your annoying on the way bome." She commented. His ears perked up at her words. Moving quickly he followed after her as they left the run down shop. Falling into step just a few paces behind and to the left, he cleared his throat.

" So can I hang out with you when you meditate later?" He questioned curiously.

"You're pushing it Gar."

He stayed silent often that simply content to just be near her. A soft smile curled up at his lips. He knew she wouldn't admit it but she liked having him around. Like his company. Like their conversations. He smile dropped when he realized that she might like him more if he wasn't so annoying , mabey he should cut down on the jokes, mabey le jokes weren't the way to get her to smile.

Nah, he just needed to try harder to get her to smile.

) (

" What are you doing Garfield?"

He froze at the sound of her voice, glancing up he looked at her eyes, such a pale amathyst, like a lilac sky.

He gave a soft mew , and jumped onto the bed . Padding his way over her comforter. He butted his head against her hand.

" I'm trying to read." He listened closely to the sound of her voice , she didn't sound like she was really upset.

He mewed again and stood on his back legs, placing his paws onto her book, resting his head between the them.

She paused, staring down at the green kitten, she sighed. How could she turn away such a small thing with such large doe eyes?

" Your too cute in this form." She murmured as she slid her fingers through his soft fur scratching him lightly biting his ear as she cradles the side of his head, toying with the soft fur there.

He mewed again before releasing a soft purr. He let his body fall back from her book as he laid down speak out on his back. Purring happiness as he rubbed his belly.

She continued to absently pet beast boy as she flipped through the pages of her book. Her bedroom was quiet, the only sore of light the many candles that decorated her room.

The smell of jasmine and tea coated every corner and aspect of her room. Engulfing him in her scent.

He closed his eyes and curled up closer to her . He knew she'd kick him out later but he'd enjoy the time she offered while he could.

His soft purr died down until only the sound of his breath escaped his small form. Long pale fingers tangled themselves in his fur, twisting and massaging absently. Lulling him deeper to sleep, his body finally sagging , his head dropping down onto the tops of his paws.

An hour or two passed before he felt the slight stir of her body. Lifting his small head he looked up to see her petite form leaned back against her pillows, her book hanging haphazardly from her hand as it dangled over the side of the bed. her other arm rested across her stomach.

Glancing over at her alarm clock he realized it was one am. Careful not to wake her he climbed of her bed, shifted back into her regular form. Gently he pried the book from her hand setting it on the nightstand.

Before she could noticed he'd stayed longer than he was supposed to he slipped from her room.

" night rae."

this is the begining. This takes place around the time they become closer friends.


	3. Chapter 3: Doesn't feel real Anymore

Hn, so mabey after like every chapter or so I might post one of the letters he wrote? Would that be ok with you guy's? Cause I'll be honest I feel more at ease writing when it's in a point of view I can easily relate to. And writing a letter feels really nice. And the transition from going from that straight into a third person limited feels good so I think I'll osteoporosis a letter after avery chapter that ok with chu guys ?

Chapter 3 : Doesn't seem real Anymore

' Raven ... I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

This ...every things that's happened is all my fault. I should been there to have your back..

I should have followed you in . I should have listened to you.

But I didnt. And because of that 2 people died that day. You and Wren.

I don't feel alive. I feel ...cold and devoid of emotion inside. but theirs so much guilt .

Because of my mistakes and stupidity , I not only lost you I lost your daughter.

I remember when you adopted her... I remember bugging you day in and out if I could babysit.

I remember how happy you looked. I remember suddenly feeling a mix of emotions. I had tried for years to get you to smile like that. And this small child manged to do it in a matter of moments.

I remember feeling a cross between awe and utter adoration...mabey a teeny bit of jelousey.

You know it's been six years since you died. since Wren died. And it's not getting any easier.

A funny and a kinda scary thing happened to me yesterday.

I was at your grave yesterday, I had just got through visiting wrens when I'd headed to yours. Their was a little girl there.

I think I about had a heart attack. She was mabey five or six. Just a teeny thing. Cute. Short ebony black hair and big blue eye's . I couldn't think of a single reason as to why she was there. Where her parents were. Nothing.

She looked at me. I mean really looked at me. Just stared. It took me a moment to realize that she had been opening and reading the letters I'd wrote to you.

I startled my self with the amount of rage that bubbled in my chest at that. She was just a kid. She didn't know better but seeing that she'd opened the letters that were private and ment solely for you angered me.

I'd asked her not to touch them. That they were ment for someone special. I tried really hard to be calm. But you know what really scared me? When she frowned at me for telling her no. She looked so disgruntled and upset. She looked like you . Just for a moment.

And that scared me.

Her name was Crow .

I remember when I got home that day, after the strange encounter with the little girl, crying. I did nothing but cry. I cried because she reminded me of you so much. The hours I spent there, sitting at your grave with her the more she reminded me of you. The faces. The curiouse way she did little things. The wisdom in her eyes that said "I know more than you think I do." Even her name was a little ironic.

Imagine it. Just try. Imagine a senario were you came back. We're I'd get to see you again. but as a child. Reborn. Cycled back into my life. As a little girl named crow. In one life your were a Raven and the next a crow. it's cruel. It's wrong . It's unfair. but thankfully it's not true.

Because I don't think I'd be ble to handle that.

I might crumble.

I might break .

Sometimes I wonder if your lonely. If mabey you and Wren are waiting for me. I may not have been your boyfriend or husband . Or her father. But I was your best friend. I was her uncle.

I hope you can forgive the mistakes I've made in the past. The mistake I made that day. I hope you'll forgive me. Because lord knows I wont.

...I'll write you again Tomorrow .

' night rae.

-Garfield.'

Setting down the pen he slid from his seat at the desk and dragged his feet a few steps before crumbling back onto the worn matress on the floor by his rickety old desk. He wasn't going to go to her grave tomorrow . Or the day after that. He didn't want to take the chance at running into the little girl again. She had felt suspiciously familiar , and it scared him. Scratch that it terrified him. His mind was far to fragile to prosses it. To think about it calmly and rationally . He missed her to much , suffered through too much strain of her loss over the years to properly prosses such a possibility . Let alone handle it.

Clutching his head in his hands he curled up on his side and willed himself to forget. To forget yesterday . To forget her. To forget everything. Because mabey if he could forget. Just mabey the pain would go away. Mabey the internal fight that waged behind the walls of his skull would end.

" Fuck. I miss you...he misses you. He's just wasting away inside me. Waiting for you. But your not coming back. And the beast knows it...I know it "He sobbed brokenly as he tried to ignore the feeling of decay inside.


End file.
